The Evil Genious Club
by phennphenn
Summary: Ok, I'm calling this HP, but it could also be LOTR, or any number of books, you'll understand when you read it. Um, for right now it doesn't have anything bad in it, but just in case in the future, it better be PG-13
1. At the Lair of Lord Voldemort

A/n: This idea was just too funny to pass up. It comes from a reference in my other fic, Zucchini! Enjoy! Go read my other one too. Fun stuff ((my fave. Phrase)  
  
"PETER, ARE THE CUMBER SANDWHICHES READY?" yelled Lord Voldemort as he vacuumed the carpet in the living room. (A/n: You know he really loves to vacuum.)  
  
"ALMOST!" replied Peter as he came running in from the kitchen carrying a tray piled high with snacks, drinks, and of course, Voldemort's favorite, cucumber sandwiches, nearly running into Voldemort and tripping over the vacuum cord.(A/n: And eat cucumber sandwiches.) Just then the doorbell rang.  
  
"Oh my god! He's here already! Is everything ready? Are my robes strait?" said Voldemort as he panicked and rushed to open the door.  
  
Voldemort opened the door "Sauron! How nice to see you!"  
  
"Hello…Voldemort." Replied Sauron with an odd look.  
  
Voldemort saw the look and then looked down at him self; he was still wearing the white with red cherries patterned apron he had been cleaning the lair in.  
  
"Oops, guess I forgot to take that off," he said in an embarrassed voice as he removed the apron and put it down on a table by the door, "Come in, I have tons of snacks."  
  
Sauron entered and they went into the living room, which was decorated in pale yellow wallpaper and pastel pink accents. Sauron sat down on the pale yellow couch with little pink flowers on it.  
  
"I see that you've redecorated…again," said Sauron.  
  
"Yeah, do you like it? I really think that the pale yellow adds a lot of light to the room."  
  
"You said you wanted to speak to me. Why?"  
  
"Well, I have this idea. Hold on."  
  
Voldemort gets up and returns with a yellow teapot and matching teacups.  
  
"Here have some tea and sandwiches. I have this idea to start a club, where us evil geniuses can get together and discuss evil stuff."  
  
"Okay"  
  
"And, well I though you might want to help. We could hold it at that pub you like to go to in London. You know the one I'm talking about; we went their last week. Remember?"  
  
"Yes, So who would we invite?"  
  
"Well, I was thinking that at first we could keep it small, say you, me, Peter, and Gollum, and then, from there we could decide who is worthy of joining."  
  
"So when should we meet?"  
  
"Next Thursday at three sound good?"  
  
"Hold on let me check my calendar." Sauron pulls out a Palm Pilot and begins tapping the screen.  
  
"Okay, but I have a manicure at four-thirty, so it better be a short meeting."  
  
A/n: Not a long first chapter, but I wanted to do it this way and it's my story, so HA! Yeah, deal with it = P (( ( my little tiny island paradise, how nice & you can't come  
  
Personal Messages:  
  
Jessica: Thanx for at least trying to read my last story.  
  
Ax: How do you like it? Email me.  
  
Chibi: I promise to read your stories, but I think I lost your name…jkjk, I'll review later.  
  
Hey everyone, I am so ready for summer. Or even spring. I want to be able to go outside and have fun.  
  
Stay cool, phennphenn = P (my evil silly face hehehe… 


	2. The First Meeting

A/n: Hello! Sorry I haven't updated in what seems like years. I've been really busy/lazy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Voldemort or Peter, J.K. Rowling does; Sauron and Gollum belong to J.R.R. Tolkein; London is property of the English people/ maybe Tony Blair, I don't know.  I don't own Agrajag, he belongs to Douglas Adams and The Zars belong to William Norrison. Hmmm, I think that's it.

Next Thursday @ 3pm

Voldemort and Peter walk in to the pub to find Sauron waiting with Gollum.

"Good afternoon Sauron" Voldemort greeted them

"Hello Voldemort. So should we get started? I do have an appointment to make. I ordered a drink for you."

"Thank you and yes." replied Voldemort

Voldemort pulls out a piece of parchment and a fluffy pink quill. He puts on a pair of reading glasses that are bright red with rhinestones.

"For right now, I will function as both president and secretary.  First thing, I think we should make a list of people to invite.  Then we can design invitations and I'll order them."

Just then a waitress comes up carrying two milkshakes, one chocolate and one strawberry.  She gives the chocolate one to Sauron and the strawberry one to Voldemort.  Peter orders a cup of tea and Gollum spends ten minutes trying to explain about the 'nices fishiess'.

"So who else do you think should come?" asked Voldemort

"Dratted Bagginses" muttered Gollum

"What?" said Sauron, "Your not still going on about him are you, any ways he's not evil."

"Who is he?" asked Voldemort.

"A hobbit, who took Gollum's 'preciouss', which I might add belongs to me.  He's rather bitter about the whole thing." Answered Sauron.

"Oh. So back to our list." Said Voldemort. "I was thinking that we could invite Agrajag, you know that funny bat-thing who's always after that guy, Arthur Dent."

"He kind of strange. What about the Zars?" replied Sauron. 

(A/n: The Zars. I'll explain because they come from a British book, kind of like Harry Potter, about the same age group appeal. The book (1st in a trilogy) is The Wind Singer by William Norrison. I've only read the 1st book because I can't find the 2nd book, but here's what I know about the Zars.  They are an army of teenagers who are infinite in number and they march around going Kill Kill Kill We are the Zars. They all look perfect and the wear white uniforms and are lead by a beautiful, young girl who twirls a baton.  Think of a unisex army of teenage Mary-Sues who want to take over the world & kill everyone, plus they have unlimited numbers. Truly scary.)

"Well I'm going to put down Agrajag and I'll think about the Zars, but I don't know." Said Voldemort "Now we need to design the invitations. I was thinking perhaps a lilac color and gold writing, in a nice flowing script with cute flower decorations. Maybe the invitations could smell nice too. And of course Embossed Envelopes with the club symbol, which we need to design, on them."

"Sounds great!" said Sauron. "Maybe the club symbol could be the letters EGC below a daisy."

"Wow! That's great, I thought of a sunflower, but I like daisies better. Hey! We could make daisy chains to give out to the new members for next time! Speaking of next time, you wanna to sleep over on Monday and make daisy chains, and I'll rent Driving Ms. Daisy and make popcorn." Exclaimed Voldemort.

"Sure. Listen, I got to go, I have an appointment to get a manicure. I'm going to get turquoise, it really matches my armor. See ya!"

A/n: What do you think? Do you think that they are smoking something? Maybe I am. Who knows? If anyone knows of any other evil characters in fantasy books, put it in your review & I will appreciate you greatly.   Oh I would like to say a huge Thank You! to AIT the Almighty Spork and Ax for reviewing.

stay chilly. phennphenn = P it snowed in paradise today

I wrote this when I had a snow day! So much fun! I got out @ 11 am!!!!!

~phennphenn, "whatever floats your bathtub!"


	3. The Invitation

A/n: This is a short chapter but its well interesting & 100% Necessary! And I know the symbol isn't a daisy, but it's the best I could do. And I like it.  
  
   
  
   
  
(  
  
1 EGC  
  
   
  
You are cordially invited to partake in the Evil Genius Club.  
  
Hosted by: Lord Voldemort and Sauron  
  
Date: Next Thursday, 2 pm  
  
Location: The Pub, on Knockturn Alley, London, England  
  
(  
  
The Evil Genius Club is a support group for evil geniuses that seeks to further their endeavors though promoting awareness of techniques, resources, and methodology. The Evil Genius Club seeks to provide an informative environment where evil genius can cultivate their creativity and develop their skills. Currently the club is small but plans include growth to reach a larger community of evil geniuses and to provide open houses with lecturers addressing prominent topics. Donations are welcome, although the club does not currently have dues. The upcoming meeting will be an orientation for new members and will address the issues of promoting the club and developing its image in the evil community. You are welcome to bring a guest to the meeting.  
  
(  
  
Please RSVP by contacting Lord Voldemort or Sauron.  
  
(  
  
If you have any concerns feel free to contact Lord Voldemort or Sauron 


End file.
